This was originally written for the Misanthropic Collaboration, and could be a tongue in cheek article condemning the current world situation, but it isn't. It is, on some level, exactly how I feel at time, dealing with the ignorance of humanity, and the pain my fellow human beings are capable of inflicting if they so choose.

I don't want to be misanthropic, but I find it so easy, at this time, to hate the actions of terrorists and my own government's denial of my rights as a homosexual, and many more mundane aspects of life which serve to make me spend sleepless nights thinking about the quality of my life, and what I want and do not want, and where things are going, and all of this leads me to the disappointing thoughts of misanthropy.

I suppose it could be worse, I could have carried my closeted life to the level of marriage and children and then I would really feel guilty for hating everything.

As I See It
A Gay Opinion 8/31/00
by R.A. Melos

For a very long time I have believed the world could truly be a wonderful place, if only mankind didn't exist to screw it all up. Oh, I'm sure mankind, as a collective subconscious entity, did not set out to be a destructive force of nature, yet it is within the psychological make up of every life form on Earth to dislike that which differs from itself, and mistrust that which is similar.

We, as a species, have both the urge to merge and the conflicting desire for individuality. We all want to be "part of the team," yet we also want to stand out as the star player.

In order to be in harmonic balance within ourselves, and to be balanced with the universal energy surrounding us, we have to reach the happy plane of existence between self and society. I have discovered, in order to achieve my own inner happiness, I have to put myself, my needs, ahead of those of society.

In all individuals exists the need to put self ahead of society, what I call the survival instinct. There are those rare individuals who are self-destructive in they have the desire to fit into a society which truly doesn't give a rats ass about them. These are the martyrs whose self-sacrifice usually goes completely unnoticed. The ones who, out of fear of rejection or desire to belong, will deny their natural personal needs to be "one of the in-crowd." These are the ones who discover a greater lacking within themselves once they are accepted as "passing".

Being misanthropic in today's ever changing, psychologically complicated, world is difficult. It's one thing to hate individuals, or even hate mankind as a whole, but the glory days of being completely self-supportive and living off on a mountain top as a hermit are long gone. Too much of our now ingrained nature gears us toward socialization out of need. We no longer till the soil and tend the flock so, unfortunately, a certain amount of social interaction is necessary as we meet our physical needs for food through restaurants and grocery stores.

Thanks to the Internet we can cut down on the annoying interaction with our fellow human beings, if we so choose, but even with the Internet and computer technology we still need minimal social contact if only when we call the help desk.

The actual reasons for misanthropic behavior vary with each individual, yet all are easily explained by simply observing mankind for only a few minutes. If we have any moral fiber left as individuals we must either shed the fibers and accept our fellow man with all their shortcomings, or cling to what we know in our hearts to be true and shun that which offends our senses.

If you hate mankind because of the personal injustices inflicted upon you by society, as many people do, you are completely justified in your misanthropy. If you have no rational reason for you dislike of mankind, you're a disgrace to misanthropes everywhere and you're just not looking hard enough to find things to hate about mankind.

Okay, so put aside the obvious moral decay of society. I'm talking the kind of moral decay which no longer makes stepmothers wicked in fairy tales, but simply misunderstood. (Yeah, right! Just ask the kids from those homes decimated by those manipulative shrews, how much they misunderstand the very people who disrupted their formative years because of selfish wants?!)

Ignore the aggressive drivers who annoy you with the weaving in and out of traffic, the tailgating, the left blinker going for miles, and the pulsing beat of the latest hip hop or rap music blaring just below the level of shattering glass.

Put aside the ignorance of the general populous, the dimly glowing bulbs being out shined by only slightly brighter nine volt mentalities, who flicker with the wisdom of the ages as spoken by Jerry Springer's latest inbred guests.

Overlook the judicial faux pas' of the Supreme Court's decision to allow the Boy Scouts to spew homophobia, or Hawaii's highest court's ruling which disallows same-sex marriage.

Even if you can overlook George W. Bush's support of a bill which not only would bar homosexuals from adopting children, but reverse all adoptions, by homosexuals, already in existence and remove children from the only parents they know, or if you can ignore the mixed messages sent by the entire Republican party where ever homosexuality is concerned (we all saw the GOP delegates from Texas, at their national convention, bowing their heads in prayer when an openly gay man was speaking at the podium, like praying would save them from having to listen to someone who may have a different view of life then their own), there are still many other reasons to hate mankind.

I urge all misanthropes and misanthrope-wannabes to dig deep, to scratch at the cheap veneer of mankind's superficialities, and find something truly worthy of contempt.

As for me, cyber space is only so big, and it would just take up too much of my time to list all the reasons for my own misanthropic behavior. Hell, I would have to actually admit to caring about being lied to, or being hurt by the thoughtless actions of others. I would have to admit I invested my emotions in something outside of myself. For God's sake, I didn't even bother to watch Survivor!


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