This was written for the Misanthropic Collaboration, on the topic of scars. Mine are mostly emotional, and the pain is eternal.

Emotional Scars
A Gay Opinion 10/14/00

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by R. A. Melos

My emotional scars run deep, and forgiveness is a hard thing to give when those who've wounded you don't care. Lashing out is a waste of time, and I'm tired of feeling the pain.

It helps to know the ones who hurt you ended up hurting themselves. Their actions trapped them in bad situations, but their pain doesn't make me happy.

I'm sad for my friend, the one I can't see, because he is a stubborn fool. He can't see his pain, being blinded by emotional shame, when all is close as it'll ever get to being forgiven.

He built a wall of hate around his heart, and covered it with denial and lies. Emotions, for him, are a mortal sin, and they cause him too much pain. So he retreats inside of himself, hiding with his hate and rage, trapping himself in his self-made prison cage.

My scars may eternally never heal, but my feelings are no longer cold. It's too bad I no longer care.

I see the truth, even when it's light hurts my eyes. I remember the fun and the good times, but I'm no longer blinded to the bad. It bothers me, now that I can accept it all, that he never will be able to do the same.

Accepting it all means failure, for the eternal souls involved. Lateral moves don't let you grow, and we never should rebuild what we already destroyed. Rushing head long into our comfort zone, eventually hurts us right to the bone. Forward and lateral sometimes look the same, and when we realize the difference it's too late.

I know I'll have another chance, some call it destiny or fate. Either way I've seen the truth and know it's not too late.


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