Love And War
A Gay Relationship Opinion 10/07/01
by R.A. Melos
I'm tired of being serious. I'm tired of worrying about paying my bills on time, and about feeling safe in the world in which I live. I'm tired of being put off, or put on hold, or having my concerns treated as secondary to the concerns of others.
I am part of the "Me Generation", and no matter how selfish this may sound in the strife torn world of today, I'm concerned with me.
I'm a gay man. This isn't news, but it is important to my self image to be identified as a gay man, if for no other reason than to let other gay men in the room know I'm one of them. It also offers opportunity to meet other gay men, and perhaps get a date!
I don't consider this the act of a selfish man, but the act of a man who has plenty of love to share, and is only trying to utilize every option in the field of relationships available to him in order to capture the elusive successful relationship. The Elusive Successful Relationship (ESR) is something we all, gay and straight men alike, are seeking.
Man, gay or straight, throughout history, has always been the hunter, and the ESR is the greatest prey, the most dangerous, and the most satisfying, of all. Aside from the prize, the hunt itself is one filled with more danger and excitement than you'll see on any "reality" television contest. The hunt is filled with love, lust, flirting, and heavy petting, if you're lucky.
There has been so much tension in the world, in my world, since the September 11th terrorist attacks, all I want is the reassurance of a friendly and handsome man, who can offer me the possibility of the promise of blissful sin and pleasure, and maybe more. I don't think this is too much to ask for, in a strife torn world.
So much has changed in a New York minute, I just want to know the hunt is still possible, the prey still exists, some things haven't changed. My fear is everything has changed.
All I hear on the news is how people want things to get "back to normal," but I don't want normal. normal was a sense of struggle against the oppression of who I am. At best, normal was a don't ask, don't tell sense of reality where everyone knew the truth but, like a white elephant, no one had the courage to mention it.
I want someone to have the courage to mention life is too short, and too much is at risk, not to acknowledge the possibility of same-sex marriage and companionship for those who would choose to live their lives openly and honestly. I want the pleasure of the hunt to be filled with the excitement of dating, and not filled with the fear of outsiders figuring out it is a date and thus inviting gay bashers to openly attack that which they don't understand.
All Americans has had enough of attacks, and cruelty, over the course of the past few years. Gay men have been murdered out of ignorance and I don't want to have to think of this, but I have no choice. More than 6000 people where murdered before my eyes, thanks to the wonders of the media, and I don't want to think of this, but I have no choice. When I combine the two, and look at them as equally horrendous acts committed by fanatics, I see an ugly world where one brand of hate replaces another, and all hate is the same.
All I want is to have a chance at a life, filled with love and happiness, with the partner of my choice, without the fear of outside influences destroying my happiness out of ignorance. I want the hunt for love to turn into love, and then to grow into a lifetime of enjoyment between myself and my partner. Isn't that what everyone wants?
I don't want to be fighting a war when I was already fighting for my rights as a gay man. The mere fact I have to fight for my rights, in a country where I have the right to die as an equal to heterosexuals at the hands of fanatic terrorists, is absurd. There is so much love within me waiting for the right man to recognize it, and to recognize the potential, but terrorism isn't part of the equation.
Love and war may have been good for the film industry in the 1940s, but I don't want my love mixed with war. I simply don't have time for terrorists to disrupt my hunt for love, sex and rock 'n' roll. My American dream includes a home, a dog, a sex god in my bed, and a life filled with love and happiness. I won't let anyone take that dream away.